


Victor Zsasz Makes Muffins

by Demonkel



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Gen, Muffin making, Muffins, Victor making muffins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonkel/pseuds/Demonkel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victor Zsasz Makes Muffins. That is literally what it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Victor Zsasz Makes Muffins

**Author's Note:**

> My friend wanted me to write Victor Zsasz making muffins. So I wrote her a story.

Victor Zsasz was never one for cooking. Killing and getting rid of the evidence, yes, but cooking was a challenge that has gone unanswered by Zsasz. Thus why it would be a strange sight for anyone that knew the assassin to see him standing in the middle of Don Falcone’s kitchen, staring at a recipe box. Falcone had allowed the assassin access to his mother’s recipes when Victor had made the off handed comment of needing a woman around again to make them muffins. Mob boss, Don Falcone, not liking the idea of another woman in his life again, glared at his assassin.

“Make them yourself. You are an adult, make them yourself. I’ll even let you use my mother’s recipes.” Falcone stated, getting a wide eyed look from Victor. The assassin eyed his boss with some concern, knowing just how precious the recipes were to him.

“If you’re sure boss.” Victor said, following the mob boss into the kitchen where he pulled down his mother’s recipes. “If these are in any worse condition then what they are in, you will suffer.” Falcone threatened. Victor nodded, not taking his boss’s threat to heart since he was the most deadly weapon in Falcone’s arsenal. “Sure thing boss.”

  
Which all of these events have led to Victor staring at said recipe box with some trepidation. Slowly Victor reached out and opened the box and began to flip through the recipes. “Oh!” Victor pulled out the recipe for blueberry muffins. “Found you.” Victor declared, holding the recipe out triumphantly. Taking a minute he read through the recipe Victor found it to be simple enough. Rushing around the room Victor began to grab things that looked like what he needed. With his ingredients gathered Victor began to follow the recipe as best he could.

Keeping in mind that Victor was not very familiar with the kitchen, there were many things that could and did go wrong. Starting to believe that cooking was very simple, Victor added all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Excited to taste the sweet batter of the muffin mix before he added the fresh berries that Falcone seemed to have on hand all the time, Victor dipped a finger into the bowl before licking it. That was where mistake number one was realized. Instead of the sweetened batter that would lead to wonderful muffins it actually ended up being a batter of salty hell.

“What the hell?” Victor looked at all his ingredients, wondering how so much salt could have gotten into the batter. It turned out that he actually grabbed more salt instead of sugar for the muffins. “Rookie mistake.” He swore to himself as he went back into the pantry and pulled out the actual bag of sugar. Dumping out the old batter and washing the bowl he started again. Tasting the batter once again and found it to be just as he expected.

“Finally!” He smirked to himself as he pulled out the muffin pan and began to fill the cups. With a whistle Victor placed the muffins into the oven and checked the time before setting the timer and walking away. Fifteen minutes later found Victor back in the kitchen cursing out the oven. It turns out that mistake number two was made. Victor, the great assassin that he was, did not actually turn on the oven. With a frustrated sigh Victor turned on the oven and left the kitchen again to go take care of, well let’s just say paper work.

  
Although very attentive to his paper work, Victor was not so attentive to his muffins. It was the smoke alarm that drew Victor rushing back to the kitchen. Swearing violently Victor pulled the muffins from the oven and tossed the blackened muffins into the sink. It was very convenient for Victor to have made a large batter of muffins as he pulled out another muffin pan and filled them once again before placing them into the over with the timer set. Victor checked everything twice before going back to finishing up his paper work.

Another fifteen minutes later found Victor pulled out perfectly golden brown muffins. He placed them on the island and took a seat to watch the steam roll off the muffins. It would be a strange sight to see anyone sit and watch muffins cool but it was more so when it was Victor Zsasz. Finally after the steam stopped coming off the muffins, Victor snatched one up and stuffed his mouth with it. He moaned loudly and relaxed against the counter behind him. He was more than content to stay there, eating his muffins.

That’s how Falcone found him a half an hour later, two muffin wrappers beside him with a third muffin in hand. “Enjoying yourself Victor?” Falcone asked, snagging one of the muffins despite the glare that the assassin was shooting him. The mob boss chuckled taking a bite from the muffin. “So are you going to clean up the kitchen now right?” Victor looked around at the once clean kitchen, shook his head before grabbing two more muffins and leaving the kitchen. Falcone laughed, finishing his warm delicious muffin before following after Victor.

After that it was not very much a surprise to see Victor Zsasz in Don Falcone’s kitchen, making muffins at least once a month.


End file.
